Well, it's been a while. and after several months. Cynic, and I decided to make a special post to ask people whether or not they've seen Veruca Salt somewhere. She used to have a blog here, and she was one hell of a poster. She was pretty young, but for her age, she had a lot of talent. To both write and design. She was very funny, and sincere. After a while, I came back to visit her, but her blog kinda disappeared. Who knows what evere happened to her. veruca if you read this, send me an email to neonfox64@yahoo.com and post on cynic's blog. We both kinda miss you. sincerely penny

Well, this blog was originally my full online blog. I kinda had in mind to leave as an anonymous blog free to the public and what not. And I still do, I noticed that several people read it a couple of times which kinda encouraged me to keep writing on it. However due to time, I haven't had a chance to update it as of late, if you want to check out my other blog go to:

livejournal.com/users/neopenny

I haven't updated that one more, but it gives you a deeper look into the type of guy I am, however due to the content some people may not like it.

I had planned to have this journal as a private one. But I guess I'll make it "public" now. I have serveral blogs around the net. livejournal, tblog, blogger, ujournal, here, and pitas. 2 are in spanish, livejournal, is about my college life, and misc. This one is a private one, not one friend knows about this. and ujournal and pitas will be news journal. I'm into neo-geo. So, my neo geo news will go to ujournal as well as videogame experiences. Pitas is a journal I have yet to assign something to it.

Anyway as a private journal, I normally have thoughts about things when I'm either stoned or high. Or just in the mood to be thoughtful.

I will change the template of this journal (again). I don't know if I'll personalize it like the rest of the journals or not. I have yet to decide on what to do on it.

Anyway, last time I talked a little bit on how time is parallel to life. And without one the other wouldn't exist, kinda like paradox.

Today, I will talk about the myth of "God". To begin with, simple and clear. We all hate people, a lot of people, or maybe not many people. Anyway, if "God" loved you, wouldn't he do anything not to make you angry? So, why create people that he "knows" will make you pissed off or something.

Well it's finally here. I finally know what I am here for. I finally know why I do things, and I finally know why I am writing this.

I finally know what the purpose of my life is, however the final goals is yet to be discovered.

It came clear to  me that the secret of life is time, goal, and purpose.

We are all alive for one reason, we want to live. If we did not want to live we would kill ourselves right now. Easy and simple. Some people decide not to kill themselves but do not do so, because they have other goals before they do so.

I heard somewhere, probably in a movie that the blues are not suppose to make one feel depressed. The blues are meant to make the others feel bad. I have seen several lifestyles. I have never really thought about mine until today.

Skeet, Neil, and I were talking about something I don't remember what. All of a sudden I think on the way I do things. All my life I have been doing things for only one reason. That is to make other people feel bad. I remember Neil saying something about his girlfriend he said that he is the one and only person his girlfriend ever had. She made Neil change, it made him change for something different. Neil said that people do change depending on the situation. Neil's friends said that he changed when he started going out with his girlfriend. Neil did not neglect that. He acknowledged that. He said that other people do make you change. However, he said he didn't change because other people told him to. He changed because he felt something for his girlfriend, and the emotions and shit that happened with her the cause of his change.

I, on the other, hand never change. I don't care what people say about me. But I do want to shut some people up to make them feel bad. All I do is to study what some think it's bad ass and what is not. Of course I don't go into a crowd and make the decision based on the crowd. I base it more on individuals who I think are interesting.  I try to make a connection with the individual. After the connection I sometimes get a feeling inside of me about his/her tastes and after that if I think it's good then I proceed. I always study the situation and analyze whether the outcome will benefit me. After that if it does, I study a group.

For example: In a group everyone has a new pc. I will not buy a pc. If I know that they will have their pc for a long time. I will wait 2 generations of pc's. After that, I will buy a pc, and know that their pcs have no comparison over mine. It all depends on the situation.

In school, if somebody defeats me in a grade. I will interpret his grade as a competition.I will not talk to that person and when I do, I will talk with results. However, when the crowd gets too big, I will walk away and have no more interest. Whether this decision affects me or not I don't care. I work alone, and if I work in a group, I will only do and try to stand out of the group by myself. 

I said I work alone, so I don't know what it's like to work in a group. I have come to work so much by myself that the objective of working in a group has become somewhat distorted. In my conscious I know that the best is to balance the tasks, if noone works, then I take all the tasks to myself and work with those interested. However, it is ethical to work equally so the satisfaction is not the same if I had worked with the whole team.

My brain works the opposite, my brain interprets a competition instead of a co-op.  I only want to win no matter what. Like in sports I don't like to compete defensively, I like to do it in style. I like to be offensive. Everybody likes offensiveness, which means the work will result to be spectacular.

Tuve otro sueño, ahora estuvo algo raro.

Resulta que por alguna razon estaba en Cuba. No estaba solo estaba con mi mama y con mi "hermano" que a ciencia cierta no tengo uno. La persona que era mi hermano en el sueño es mi sobrino en realidad.

Resulta que andabamos como locos buscando a Castro. Lo buscabamos para que nos diera asilo en Cuba. Fuimos a una iglesia aparentemente alli estaria. Mi mama estaba cansada y yo tambien. Al abrir una puerta la abrio nada mas y nada menos que Tania (la de Fuga). Me dio gusto de verla, pero cuando apenas iba a decir algo, me cerro la puerta.

Me di la vuelta pero la volvio a abrir, me dio un chingal de gusto verla. Hablamos poco, pero me dijo que si queria que no me mataran que buscara a Castro lo antes posible sin que ninguno de los soldados me viera.

Nos fuimos los 3, mi hermanos, mi mama y yo. Tratamos de irnos lo mas rapido posible.

Al irnos hable algo con mi hermano, le pregunte algo. No recuerdo que, resulta que Nancy tenia un hijo. Y que el era mi hermano. Asi que tenia un sobrino y un hermano.

Mi sobrino era en realidad mi sobrino pero hace 3 meses, y mi hermano era mi mismo sobrino pero en la actualidad, pero este wey si hablaba y caminaba algo. Ademas, por lo visto era inteligente, algo asi com Stewie de Family guy. Pues la voz que tenia tambien era mas o menos como la de un adulto.

Por cierto en el sueño estabamos en Cuba, pero estabamos llegando de Argentina.

Al igual que los cortometrajes me eh dado cuenta de varias cosas. No me agradan las cosas a largo plazo. Estoy en la uni, pero de nada me sirve. Si no estoy mal la uni esta hecha para un estilo de vida que va a alargo plazo. Ahora que la pienso.... Digo estas aqui 4+ años. Te graduas y buscas jale si no encuentras te retachas a la uni. Ya serian entre 4-6 años. Tengo 18 a este ritmo para el termino de ese ciclo tendria 22-24 años. Claro, puedo viajar pero estaria limitado en cuanto a tiempo se refiere.

Eh tenido dos sueños algo raros. Aqui van las narraciones de un par que tuve hace algunos dias.

El primero fue hace unos dias. El dia anterior estuve fumando mota. De lo que recuerdo de cuando fume es que estaba en el carro de eamon, pero no recuerdo cuando me baje, ni como llegue a la habitacion. Estuvo algo raro. Por ahi me dijeron que fui a el cuarto de Neil y le estuve pegando a el teclado de su PC muchas veces y estuve haciendo mucho ruido. Despues Brian me dijo que apestaba mucho. Y le conteste que no. Y luego le pregunte where do I go? Y el me dijo "que?" Y le dijo donde me duermo?" y el me contesto en tu cuarto. Y luego le pregunte donde esta eso? Y el me dijo en el decimo piso. Despues llegue a mi cuarto y en vez de abrir con la llave, simplemente estuve tocando. Kirk me abrio, pero pensaba que era Vic.Y luego me dijo porque no abri con mi llave? y le conteste que no y luego me fui a dormir. No recuerdo nada. Simplmente me acuerdo que todas las palabras que existen las podia identificar visualmente. todas las palabras tenian algo equivalente con colores y formas.